Michael and I have been doing our best to retain a little bit of sanity during the quarter of a year that we have spent socially distancing. We walk every day, and never share the sidewalk with anyone. We go to the grocery store every two weeks, and pick up Thai food every Friday night. We did make one trip to the liquor store, attend one Black Lives Matter demonstration, attend one drive-by 99th birthday party, and we make the occasional visit to the drive-by window at the bank.
I have been productive musically, and my violin playing has improved considerably. Online teaching has been going well, and I have been really grateful for the online musical interactions that I have had.
Michael and I have been diligently doing our part, but my anger at the people who don't "believe" in wearing masks is seeping through all my good intentions, and clawing away at my formerly positive attitude.
I can't take it anymore.
Imagine having just spent months cleaning up a house after having sustained a great deal of damage. And then imagine a bunch of people deciding to come inside and defecate all over the floor. That is what I feel about our prospects for a future where we can play chamber music again, give and go to concerts again, and where we can travel safely to see our children and grandchildren.
Experiencing the world through screens is no longer fun for me. It used to be an interesting alternative to the "real" world, and now it has become the "real" world. And since we each "live" in our own personally curated world, it is hard to really get a sense of who "we" are.
I am angry at my federal goverment (particularly the executive branch) and its leaders. I am angry at American Airlines for planning to fill its airplanes to capacity beginning next week. I am angry about the daily revelations concerning violence towards Black people by police. I'm angry at state and city officials who do not mandate wearing masks and observing social distancing. I'm angry at the people who refuse to wear masks in public as an expression of loyalty to their political party.
Dr. Fauci made a very clear statement about our interconnected world. Most of the other developed countries in the world have managed to control the rise of Covid-19. And now the United States, with its denial, selfishness, and reckless rush to reopen, is going to screw things up for the rest of the world as well as for the people who live on these shores. I apologize for the actions of my country to anyone reading this. I have never been so ashamed to be an American.
I'll slow down for a moment and take stock of a few good things:
Our air-conditioning works, and our plumbing is now reliable.
Michael and I put away all our laundry today. For the first time in months there are more clothes in the closets and dressers than outside of them.
My muscles are a little sore from practicing, but my joints and tendons are not hurting. That means I have been playing in a way that is physically healthy.
My eyesight is improving (one of the benefits of achieving a certain age, I have heard). I can play violn without glasses! I still need them for the viola because of those few extra inches.
I have bread rising, and tomorrow we will have fresh bread for breakfast.
Michael and I are reading a really good book. It comes on the heels of three novels we read that were written during in the Weimar Republic in Germany. And we have many more good books ahead.
I have a Bachian counterpoint project in the works. It's something I started a few years ago and set aside. Writing counterpoint is medicine for my soul.
I really can play the first violin parts of the Beethoven Opus 18 Quartets now--even the hard parts. And I have decided on the Végh Quartet as my "play along" recordings.
I have entered into a new phase of self-acceptance, and feel like I am growing as a human being in spite of the Pandora's box of disease, injustice, deception, racism, and ignorance that has taken up residence in the fragile "house" that we are trying to keep livable.
I also know that will be a future for music. It is just going to take a lot longer to get to than I had thought.
Is it November yet?
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5 comments:
So good to hear what you’re thinking, Elaine. I hear you loud and clear and have a lot of gripes about folks that defecate all over progress! But there are things to be grateful for. And I am. I’m also glad that my papa isn’t experiencing this chaotic world. He passed 3-1/2 years ago today. Be well. We’re trying to do the same. 🤗
Thank you, Claudia. Bernie knew that a Trump presidency would be a disaster, but he (and we) were so innocent back then. Hopefully there will be some light after this endless darkness (and during the longest days of the calendar year).
You've written "...but my anger at the people who don't 'believe' in wearing masks is seeping through all my good intentions, and clawing away at my formerly positive attitude."
I write from another state and locale where masks are not currently required. Your belief is not mine. If your belief is required to be mine, what sort of participatory democracy have we left? I do not write in anger, but with confusion. What is the requirement of submission to certain authority and rejection of any which runs counter and is unapproved, except belief?
I think it safe to say that we could not play in the same orchestra, when a specific belief becomes a criteria of membership in that body. Such seems this moment in time. Whatever happens, this too will pass.
I am sorry you are angry.
Three (or four) little words: wear a mask.
To the anonymous commenter: I hope you noticed that I put "believe" in quotes. If you put a band-aid and medicine on an infected cut, you are not relying on the belief that it will be protected from dirt and bacteria. You have a barrier in place that will keep your cut clean. If you close your windows to keep the rain out, you are not relying on belief in your windows. If the rain gets in, you repair your windows, or install better ones. If your band-aid doesn't stay in place, you put a better one on.
And I imagine that orchestral contracts, if there are actually concerts to play in the next year, will require masks to be worn by string players.
And don't go on about "this too shall pass." Germs and disease are living organisms, just like we are. And if we aren't careful, they could become the dominant life on our planet.
Please obtain a good mask and wear it when you go out in public. You may not care about your own health and life, but think of the other people you could infect if you decide to "believe" that this is not serious.
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